Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
