Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
