Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
