Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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