I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
