She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
