At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
