i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
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Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
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OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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