the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
