Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
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