people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
