smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
