Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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