My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
