Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
