He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
The feeling are messing with the penis
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
