im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
