I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize