I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
