its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
