I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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