ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
