I want to make a zoo with you.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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