His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
