dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i came on her dog
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
