No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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