I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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