I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
