why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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