She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
this must be what syphilis tastes like
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
50% drunk capacity currently
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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