you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
