Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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