Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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