I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
