I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
ok first of all what the fuck
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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