I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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