Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
