you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
