trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
