we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
