Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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