No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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