Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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