Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
