Your face is a jimmy john
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
