I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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