singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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