I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
