areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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