i just google imaged poop.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
