i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
My breasts were aching with rage.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
