its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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