it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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