it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
