So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
