never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
