I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
