Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
