Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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