i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize