I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
