just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
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Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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