I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward