dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...